a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
