I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
