This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
