Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
