im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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