just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
