Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
