your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
