nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.