I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize