Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
