he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
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just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
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You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you