its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
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You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
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Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.