Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.