you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
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You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
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Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.