Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter