Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
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its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.