My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.