how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
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How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
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I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine