Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My ATM looks so different sober.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
