Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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