dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
