I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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