I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
