If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
