Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
