i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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