he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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