Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
