I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
