yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
there's paper in my vomit.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
