we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
