I cannot find my penis.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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