your thong is hanging out like whoa
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
