i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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