"it" just moved
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
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My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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