there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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