Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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