WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I want her autograph on my taint
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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