i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
