im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
