i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
