I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
