Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
