Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
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If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
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Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
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