I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
