i can't believe i had my finger in that
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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