I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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