Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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