His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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