Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
