I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
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i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
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Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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