She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
