Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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