What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
