i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
