Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I lost the right to judge tonight
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