got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
