Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
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It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
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