Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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