worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
