Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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