and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
