Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She announced her abortion via fbk
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
