We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
