i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
