you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
