so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
ok first of all what the fuck
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
