How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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