God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
