but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Of course I have a pirate flag
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
